50 Ways to Annoy the Hell Out of Voldemort
by French Fries and Blue Moons
Summary: OK I was bored and I read a couple of these type stories and really really liked them so here is my attempt at this.


_**Fifty Ways To Annoy The Hell Out Of Voldemort**_

_**Warning: If you ever find yourself in the presence of Voldy the Moldy, attempting any of these methods will most definitely get you killed or SERIOUSLY injured.**_

_50. Refuse to call him anything but "Tommy Boy" or "Voldy the Moldy"._

_49. Attend Death Eater meetings solely for the purpose of screeching loudly "HEY VOLDY, SNAPE HERE TOLD ME __**ALL **__ABOUT YOUR LITTLE __**FLING **__WITH BELLATRIX!"_

_48. Go up to him during a war, smile maniacally, and say (while laughing idiotically) "Tommy Boy, when that Potter kid __**finally **__gets you, I'm gonna do the time warp on your __**GRAVE**__."_

_47. Remind him that his father was a muggle __**CONSTANTLY**__._

_46. Raise your hand before speaking at all the Death Eater meetings._

_45. Rewind time magically, go to the moment when Voldy the Moldy was reborn, and tell him his robes make him look fat._

_44. And when he tells Wormtail to "kill the spare!" duck and sing __**loudly **__"Can't Touch This"_

_43. Sit next to Bellatrix LeStrange during one of the Death Eater meetings and whisper __**loudly **__to her "I heard Tommy Boy has a __**CRUSH **__on you, Bella!"_

_42. Say in a know-it-all matter "You know, Voldy, I'm pretty sure one of those muggle serial killers has broken your murder record."_

_41. Tell him he needs a serious nose job more than the devil needs his friggin' pitch fork. "Really, Tommy, those slits aren't doing the pale complexion __**any **__good at all!"_

_40. When he threatens to kill you, suggest he trade places with Tonks so he can change his nose at will._

_39. Skip around him saying "Voldy the Moldy got defeated by a baby, Voldy the Moldy got defeated by a baby!"_

_38. Scream "VOLDY HAS A THING FOR BELLA!" at a Death Eater meeting._

_37. Buy Voldy the Moldy a fluffy pink scarf for his birthday, then charm it to call him a little girl every time he wears it._

_36. Say "Hey __**Vol-dy**__, is it true you went out with Dumbledore in your 5__th__ year? Isn't that illegal?"_

_35. Start calling Bellatrix "the girlfriend to a moldy Voldy"._

_34. Go squirrel fishing at one of the Death Eater meetings. _

_33. Write "Voldy the Moldy is a __**GIRL**__!" on the back of his robes in bright pink._

_32. Whisper in his ear __**loudly **__in front of everyone "We all know your secret. We know you got a __**transplant**__ when you were at Hogwarts! No wonder you're still such a __**GIRL**__!"_

_31. Wrap him in a pink feather boa and scream "All hail girly Voldy the Moldy!"_

_30. Transfigure all the Death Eaters into puppies._

_29. Then screech "ATTACK!" and have them nip at his heels._

_28. Next time Voldy the Moldy goes on a rage, whisper "PMS?" in his ear._

_27. When he's talking to Bellatrix, sing "I Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You" from the High School Musical soundtrack._

_26. Pass out flyers to all the Death Eaters entitled "Why The Good Side is BETTA!"_

_25. Curse madly every time he says the word "it"._

_24. Smile a lot._

_23. Say "You know what, Voldy? I'm thinking Roxanna would be a better name for you…" and call him nothing but that for the rest of the week. _

_22. Emit an immense sense of happiness and love every time you are around him._

_21. Give him a great big HUG!_

_20. When he yells "GET OFF OF ME!" say "Now Voldy, I think you need some love! Why don't I trade places with Bellatrix so you can hug your **GIRLFRIEND**?!?!?!?"_

_19. Sing "I'm a Little Teapot" except replace all the "teapot"s with "Voldy"s._

_18. Offer to get him some new Death Eaters, then instead of people, get Pygmy Puffs._

_17. When Voldy the Moldy is about to say something, screech "DANCE PARTAY!" and start doing the Charlie Brown._

_16. Say "Hey Tommy Boy, guess what I did? I signed you and Bellatrix up to help with the Yule Ball decorations at Hogwarts!"_

_15. Threaten to put Dungbombs in his pants._

_14. Put Filibuster Fireworks up his nose while he's asleep. _

_13. When he wakes up and starts getting peeved off, say "Hey, they're no-heat, so they can't exactly **harm **you, can they?"_

_12. Be a general kiss-ass._

_11. Spray paint "Muggle-borns RULE!" all over everything he owns._

_10. Sign him up for a Barbie fan club._

_9. When he refuses to go, force him to, and sit through it with a pink Barbie t-shirt, Barbie doll, and a maniac grin._

_8. And **THEN **when he says "What the hell are you wearing?!?!" say "Don't worry, I got you one, too!" and shove a matching Barbie shirt over his head. _

_7. Say nothing but compliments during the whole Death Eater meeting._

_6. Enjoy life and shove how much you enjoy it in his face._

_5. Don't forget to remind him that his father was a muggle!_

_4. Do it constantly!_

_3. Make a habit of it!_

_2. Show this paper to everyone you know._

_1. Including Voldemort._


End file.
